Ingredients of a Healthy Relationship, Part1

What’s that? Never seen or heard of a “healthy relationship”? No problem. You can learn. You can do it differently. None of us have to remain victims of what we have observed and endured so far…we can change if we want to. But…the deal is…we can only change ourselves. We cannot change other people. This is not to say that people in functional relationships don’t make requests of each other. They do. Often the other person in the relationship responds affirmatively, sometimes not. Continue reading

Where does sex fit in?

Sex. Important word. Troublesome subject for many. If anyone were to do a research study on recovering addicts, they would undoubtedly find that much distress and many, if not most relapses are around relationships, usually sexual relationships. Difficult for anyone, intimate relationships are especially problematic for alcoholics and addicts. Healthy relationships require unselfishness, not a strong suit among addicts, even if the addiction is work, television, skiing or other sports, or something else “acceptable”. Continue reading

H.O.W. do we Change?

 HOW do we recover…from anything. My deal is recovery from addiction to alcohol, drugs, food, gambling, even work or anything else, but the principles apply to all of us, addicts or not. Recovering addicts are just human beings with a disease (dis-ease, and if anyone wants a discussion on the disease concept, let me know. This is not an opinion or a belief system, but a fact: addiction is a disease). Anyone who wants to change, grow, or simply increase his or her level of emotional and spiritual health, can learn from the process healthy recovering people use. I emphasize healthy because everyone knows alcoholics who simply stop drinking, never getting beyond other old behavior. See It’s not Just About Not Drinking, for more details.

Anyhow, H.O.W. do we grow emotionally and spiritually? Many ways. Here is one idea: Continue reading


Expectations. Sometimes they get us into trouble! We may think the person who invited us to eat dinner with them is going to pay… they may not plan to do so… bummer to find out after ordering beyond our budget. Sometimes our children or a friend may assume we know where and when to meet them, even though the time and place has changed from last time. Sometimes it’s a bigger deal… we may think we are in a monogamous relationship; the other person does not. We may believe we can smoke (anything) in a friend’s home or car and not realize they or their spouse/roommate/family have a no-smoking (of anything) policy. Our friend/sister/daughter may think it is perfectly OK to help herself to our clothing; we may NOT be OK with this, and only discover the missing items when we are planning on wearing them ourselves. Continue reading