Sex. Important word. Troublesome subject for many. If anyone were to do a research study on recovering addicts, they would undoubtedly find that much distress and many, if not most relapses are around relationships, usually sexual relationships. Difficult for anyone, intimate relationships are especially problematic for alcoholics and addicts. Healthy relationships require unselfishness, not a strong suit among addicts, even if the addiction is work, television, skiing or other sports, or something else “acceptable”. Continue reading
Fear, a damaging and corroding thread that can weave its way into and take over our lives, causes inordinate trouble. The ironic and sad part is that many of our fears have little basis in reality and are often related to something that has not happened and probably will not happen and lives only in our heads. No course in elementary school, junior or senior high school, or college prepares us to deal with our fears. Rarely are parents astute enough to help us acquire the tools at home. What then? A common “solution” is to become angry; cover the fears with anger and protect our fragile ego and scared little inner person. Result? We lash out at whoever is in front of us, usually family or significant other. We stay isolated and separate, never forming close relationships. The undealt with fears and anger keep us self absorbed, obsessively ruminating and absent from our own lives. Continue reading
Porn is everywhere, and everyone is doing it…computers, movies, magazines, and video clips on cell phones…all are part of everyday life for some people. So, what’s the big deal? Think there is any downside? Is porn something you want to be part of your life? Or are you more interested in real relationships with real people?
The cost of porn? Reduction of your capacity to have meaningful and fulfilling relationships (not just sexual relationships.) You become shut off from the richness and fullness of life. And, it is not true that “nobody knows”. You may never be “caught in the act”, but if you have a partner, she knows; others know by how you relate to people. Your loneliness and isolation increase. Continue reading
Does the idea make you uncomfortable, make you laugh, make you say you want to meet one? Or does it make you wish for the capacity to have an emotionally intimate relationship, not dozens of superficial ones? Or perhaps you are concerned for the children and teenagers in your life, that they not become victims of sex crimes; or that they (or you) not become victims of someone unable to commit to and sustain a relationship, or spend their lives wondering why they cannot have a healthy relationship. No question, the term, “sex addict” definitely provokes something in all of us. Continue reading