Joy Stealers — How to be a Victim

  1. Hook up with joy stealers.
  2. Disrespect yourself enough to allow others to do the same.
  3. Refuse help, therapy, consulting or coaching.
  4. Avoid self-help groups, books and workshops. If you do use any of these helpful modalities, do not follow up on the information and advice available. They can’t mean you.
  5. Convince yourself it will never be different. You cannot possibly change. Besides, the problem is not you, it’s the other people.
  6. Keep eyes looking down, not forward or up. (This allows you to continue to devalue yourself.)
  7. Remain a victim of your past. Refuse to: Feel, Deal, and Heal.

OR, you could… Continue reading

Joy Stealers — is there one in Your Life?

Ever feel really proud and happy and want to share your joy only to have it squashed? Is the person you pick to tell about your current elation a joy-stealer? What’s wrong with them? What’s wrong with you for allowing this person to harm you…again? Sounds suspiciously like going to a dried up water hole when you are thirsty: nothing to be gained.

Of the two kinds of people it takes to create the above scenario, which one are you? Joy-stealer or squashed prey? It takes both people working together to participate in this dysfunctional and hurtful pact. Continue reading

Healthy Relationships, Part 6 : Acceptance

Relationships require lots of acceptance…all relationships, family, friends, neighbors, coworkers, an so on. Applying the Serenity Prayer:

     “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
     the courage to change the things I can,
     and the wisdom to know the difference.

          by Reinhold Niebuhr,

can be helpful in deciding what you are willing to accept and what you are able to change. The key here is the wisdom to know the difference. Many of us beat our heads against various walls trying to change things we cannot, things that don’t really matter, are none of our business, or cannot be changed anyhow. We get lost in trying to control other people and forget what is important. Even if we are usually independent thinkers and not reactors, we sometimes become victims of our past, our pathology, and old, unresolved issues and feelings. Continue reading

Healthy Relationships, Part 5 : Kindness

Ever notice how your serenity can be interrupted by a random act of UNkindness? Some people are in so much personal emotional pain that they cannot seem to escape themselves and be nice to their fellow human beings. Clearly, if we are talking random stranger who has never met you and has no reason to feel bitter toward you, it is their problem and has nothing to do with you. Continue reading